I need therapy! How do I find help???

You’ve decided you are ready to start therapy. Congratulations for deciding to invest some time in yourself! Great! Now what??

You are now ready to embark on your Epic Search! 

Not excited? Yeah, it’s not the easiest challenge. You might not know where to start, or you asked your friend about their therapist, but that person isn’t taking new clients. Even if you know where to look there are obstacles: Therapists are booked, they don’t always return phone calls, and therapy can be expensive. 

There are many great therapists in New Jersey, but finding them, or even more importantly, scheduling with them, is the tricky part. So let’s break down some actions to  help get you one step closer to finding the right therapist for you. 

1. First question to answer: Insurance or no insurance?

Are you trying to use your insurance? Great. Call your insurance company and ask what your mental health benefits are. Ask if you have a deductible, and if it applies to mental health. Ask if you have out of network benefits and if those also apply to mental health. Ask what your out of pocket cost will be. After you have that information, check your provider listings for options. You can also identify a few potential providers and contact your insurance company to see if they are in network. Don’t just call a therapist and ask if they take your insurance - there are too many plans, carve-outs, and idiosyncrasies for us to be able to give you a reliable answer. If you are choosing to use insurance, know that the wait to see an in network therapist may be longer.

2. Entertain going to an out of network therapist.

If you have out of network benefits, this can be a good way to connect with the right therapist and have fewer restrictions and potentially  shorter wait times for an appointment. Even if you don’t have out of network benefits, you may be able to use HSA or FSA funds to help pay for sessions. Paying for your mental health is an investment in your well-being, and it isn’t a place to get cheap. By all means, don’t create another stress around finances, but weigh all your options and the value of your mental health and future you. 

3. Know what you are looking to get help with.

You will have a much better chance of connecting with the right therapist if you can say “I’m struggling with (this) and this is what I want to be different.” Why is this important? You are telling a potential therapist what you need, and what you are hoping to get out of therapy, and this helps us determine if what you are struggling with is even something we feel competent to help with. Your ability to say clearly what is wrong also sets the groundwork for the work you will do together, and you want a therapist who enjoys and specializes in the kind of work you want to do. 

4. Look at your schedule and what you can afford.

These questions are really the answers to “how much is feeling better worth to you?” Investing in therapy can feel like a big chunk of change, but consider that this is an investment in your mental health and future you. Ask yourself what you are spending weekly on quick fixes and distractions  because you feel shitty, and add that to budget for what you might be able to afford for therapy. Also, take a look at your schedule. Feel like the only time you can make it to therapy is 6:00 on Tuesdays? Be prepared for a lot of waiting because you have significantly limited yourself to a time that everyone else is also requesting. You know how many openings there are for evening appointments? Not many. Consider asking for a later start time at work and grab a morning appointment, or seeing a therapist virtually on your lunch break. We can work with you if you can find some flexibility.

4. Do some searching and Reach out.

Now you have some financial parameters in place, and can describe what you want help with. Now is the time to start searching directories, profiles and websites. For the love of god, PLEASE do not rely on the profile information on your health insurance website. I can attest these are often WRONG. I have asked one particular insurance company to update my information no less than six times over two years, and the directory still displays the wrong phone number and -intrusively- my home address. Insurances will also often share incorrect specialities and outdated information as to whether a clinician is accepting new clients …because again, they do not update clinician information. You can pull the names of therapists and then consult profiles, social media pages  and websites.

5. So where else should you look?

Try TherapyDen, OpenPath, GoodTherapy and Psychology Today. Use those profiles and look at the therapist’s website if they have one. Get a feel for them, if they are in a practice or solo, and what they say they do well. If the therapist has a profile on a directory or a website, please, please give it a read. Does it sound like someone you want to talk to? Do they appear to work on issues similar to yours? When you read their profile or website, do you find yourself thinking “Yes! They get it!” Those are the people you want to reach out to. Even if you got a name from your insurance company or friend, take this step. It can save you a lot of time. 

6. Contact the therapist in the way they have suggested.

Most therapists will have a “Contact” button on their directory listing or website. This is pointing you in the direction that will most likely get you a response. We have so many options in how we communicate now, and everyone has their favorite. For example - I hate the phone. I don’t answer phone calls, and I usually forget to return voice mails. My contact page requests an email to get started, and that path gets a response. Follow the path the therapist offers. 

7. Be willing to offer a little info.

Therapists receive a lot of phone calls, emails, and text messages from folks looking for therapy. You want to stand out. Saying “My partner thinks I need therapy” or “I need someone to talk to” is a great start, but vague requests can get lost when there are a ton of requests to sort through and not nearly enough appointment slots to go around. As a therapist, I want my slots to go to the people I know I can best help, and if I am fielding a bunch of requests, I’m going to respond to the ones who feel closer to a match. Vague doesn’t give me a lot to work with. In addition to answering the Number 1 question of “what do I want to be different,” maybe share why you are reaching out now, if someone referred you specifically to the therapist you are contacting, if you’ve done therapy before, or why you might be reaching out for mode of therapy. You don’t have to share your life story, just enough to give the therapist a sense of “Ah, I can help this person.”

8. Look beyond your neighborhood (but with one caution). 

With the growing ease of online therapy, (thanks COVID, I guess?), you have a much wider range of where you can look for a therapist, and even when you can make therapy work. Virtual therapy has proven to be extremely effective for the majority of clients, and it can offer you a wider range of available clinicians if you look beyond whoever is within a 10 minute drive. One caveat - if you are looking at therapists who are in another state (which can happen easily in New Jersey since we are small and bordered by major cities), make sure they are licensed in the state you are physically in. There are differences by state and license designation, but most regulations say therapists must be licensed in the state where you - as the client - are sitting. Think that’s a dumb rule? You’re right, it is, and also antiquated. Call your state representative and complain, and demand statute level changes. 

Now, seize the moment and motivation. Just reach out. Your future self will thank you. 

One plea before you go: Please do not go to mega sites like TalkSpace and BetterHelp. These are capitalistic warehouses that are profiting off your mental health concerns by taking advantage of you and your therapist. Therapists are poorly paid, expected to be available at any and all times, and receive no support. These platforms low-key foster unethical practices, promote clinician burnout (which is bad for clients too) and in the past have been caught selling provider and client information. This situation does not breed a therapist who can offer sustained excellent care. Are there great therapists on those platforms? Yes. And they deserve better, and so do you. Please don’t feed the profit driven only model (even when they say they are all about accessibility).